Loss. One word, but a word that embodies so much. When a couple experiences a loss, they are also experiencing the loss of a dream, of the future they had dreamed of that included their baby. They also lose their innocence because they realize that pregnancy doesn’t always go the way you hope or dream it will go.
As both a loss mom and a doula who has walked with clients during their loss, I know the heartache that is only felt because there are no words deep enough to describe it. Sometimes, you just need to know that someone else is in this “heartbreak club” and they are taking it one day at a time, too.
There is another pain that comes after a loss; the pain of wondering if you will ever get a rainbow baby, which I think of as “chasing a rainbow.” The pain of getting a negative pregnancy test month after month. The pain of celebrating the joy with everyone else while you wonder why you are not worthy. The pain of wondering if it is something you are doing or not doing, yet you don’t have a clue what that “something” could be. The pain of helplessness because if prayers and tears could open your womb, yours would be wide open.
Loss isn’t a topic that many like to discuss, but with 1 out of every 4 pregnancies ending in a loss, it is a topic that should be addressed. Couples are hurting, yet they are suffering in silence, fearful that others won’t understand, and the truth is that many won’t understand. However, there are many who DO understand. Through the years, I have heard over and over “I never knew so many people had a loss until I had mine, then people came out of the woodwork to share their story.”
We need each other. We especially need each other when we experience loss. Loss doesn’t discriminate, it doesn’t care who you voted for, it doesn’t care how much money you have in the bank… and those who care about you don’t care about those things either. I have learned that those who care, REALLY care. They don’t want to overstep their bounds but they want you to feel loved and supported.
And I cannot talk about loss without mentioning fear. When you do conceive again after a loss, you feel like you are holding your rainbow just in your fingertips. You fear that it will slip away or dissolve into a raincloud. The journey of loss doesn’t end when you are expecting again, but you now have the extra emotional baggage that you are carrying from your loss.
It is hard. It is a hard journey… I wish I could say it is easy, but as your friend, I really just cannot sugar coat it (and y’all know I would if I could since I am also a nauseatingly happy optimist). While the journey of “chasing your rainbow” is hard, those who bring home a rainbow say it is worth it. And that is what you have to keep in mind. On the days that feel so hard, the days when you fear the most, just knowing that the hope of realizing your dream is worth it.
No matter what point you are in your journey, I just want to encourage you to keep pressing forward. Take it one day at a time. If that is too much, just take it one hour at a time, or even one minute at a time. The sun really does shine again… and it is possible to catch and hold a rainbow.
Cradled in Love Birth Services offers doula services in Greenville, SC and surrounding areas. Their team of doulas offers caring support for your Rainbow Pregnancy. The Cradled in Love team has had extensive training in bereavement births and grief. Contact us today for a complimentary consultation.